Surviving Summer: Finding Connection Amidst the Beautiful Chaos
This article was developed through insights gathered during our monthly therapist roundtable at Viewpoint Calgary Psychological Services. We extend our gratitude to the following therapists who contributed their expertise and perspectives: Cindy Woolfrey, Samantha Rintoul, Lesley King, Diana Gudim, and Nicki Rimke. These collaborative discussions allow our team to share evidence-based approaches and practical wisdom that we hope will be helpful to the couples and families in our community and beyond.
Summer arrives with a promise of relaxation, perfect barbecues, and magical family moments. Yet by Labour Day, many of us find ourselves asking, "Where did summer go?" The reality is that summer can be both wonderful and overwhelming. Fire smoke might replace patio evenings, wasps can crash our outdoor plans, and the pressure to create perfect memories can sometimes leave us feeling more exhausted than renewed.
The truth is, surviving summer may not be about perfection. It might be about showing up, slowing down, and finding joy in the beautifully imperfect moments that can become some of our most meaningful memories.
When Expectations Don't Match Reality
We can all get swept up in summer's promise. We envision endless days of connection, spontaneous adventures, and that perfect family rhythm. But what happens when reality doesn't match our Pinterest-worthy plans?
The gap between summer expectations and reality can sometimes set us up for disappointment before we even begin. When we load our calendars with activities and chase the "perfect summer," we might miss the magic happening right in front of us. Those chaotic camping trips where everything goes wrong? Twenty years later, those could be the stories your family laughs about together.
Diana Gudim - on expectations vs. reality
"We all get very excited about it's summer, the school is out, it's like a myth. How it's going to be so relaxing and we're going to have the perfect plans and we'll barbecue and sit outside. And then we get fire smoke and then we get wasps... And so you can get through to the end of summer and go, well, where the heck was summer?"
The Art of Slowing Down
Consider showing up and being present. Whether you're picking up firewood with your kids or walking through the woods with your partner, try noticing where you are. Look for flowers. Listen to your children's voices. Hear the sound of your own thoughts.
Slow everything down. Summer doesn't have to be a race to see how many activities you can pack in. It might be an invitation to breathe, to listen, and to simply be together.
Put the phones away. They can interfere with our ability to be present and slow down. Give yourself permission to disconnect from the digital world so you can connect with what matters most.
Planning with Grace
One approach to surviving summer lies in planning that honours both structure and spontaneity. Before you dive into the season, consider having honest conversations with your partner and family about what truly matters.
You might ask each other: "What is one thing I'd like to experience this summer?" When each person can identify their priority, everyone may become more invested in making those moments happen. It's manageable, realistic, and anything beyond that can become a beautiful bonus.
Consider scheduling your slow days. Put "Family Slow Day" or "Anything Day" right on the calendar. When families hear these words, they often light up—pajamas all day, pancakes for lunch, movies in the afternoon. These unstructured days sometimes become the moments families cherish most.
Lesley King - on sharing the load and planning ahead
"Burnout doesn't just happen at the drop of a hat. It's been building for a while... For parents with children preparing for summer, discussing roles, discussing and being honest about how we're feeling with our spouse, our partner, how we're feeling heading into the summer, being honest and sharing our feelings, our fears, things that are worrying us before we're heading in and making a plan ahead of time."
Sharing the Load
Summer's mental load can be overwhelming, especially when one partner carries the burden of planning, preparing, and managing all the activities. Burnout doesn't happen overnight. It builds throughout the year.
Consider having planning conversations before summer begins. Share your fears, your excitement, and your capacity honestly. Discuss roles and responsibilities so that summer doesn't fall entirely on one person's shoulders.
Lean on your support system when possible. Who can help? How can your children contribute? Kids can be incredible helpers and planners when given the opportunity.
Remember that "no" can be a caring option. Setting boundaries might allow you to show up more fully for what you choose to say yes to.
Maintaining Connection as a Couple
Summer's increased logistics (camp schedules, vacation planning, activity coordination) can turn couples into roommates managing a family business. Try not to let the season steal your connection.
Consider protecting your date nights. Even if it's just sharing a drink on the patio while the kids play nearby, carve out time that's just for you as a couple. Calgary's short summers can make these moments precious.
Plan your week together when possible. Set aside time each week to coordinate schedules, but also to reconnect about what matters beyond logistics.
Honour your differences. If one of you thrives at social gatherings and the other needs quiet time, try creating space for both. "This barbecue is important to me. If you don't have it in you tonight, I'll go and come home to tell you all about it."
Nicki Rimke - on maintaining couple connection
"Many couples say to me, 'all we talk about is our logistical dialogue, right? Like who's doing what at what time?' And summer is actually an increase in this sometimes... But what's not being added to it is, what are our joys in life? How are we sharing dating time? What does this look like for us to have fun as a couple, as a parent?"
Creating Meaningful Rituals
Summer offers unique opportunities for connection rituals that look different from the rest of the year.
Consider establishing evening rituals. Maybe it's backyard time every evening at a certain hour, or a pre-dinner chat on the deck. Not everyone needs to be there every time, but knowing the ritual exists can create stability in unstructured time.
Start your days with intention when possible. Based on what your family values most—rest, relationship, play, showing care—ask each other: "How might we honour these values today?"
End days with gratitude. Sharing high points and low points from the day can help everyone feel seen and connected.
Cindy Woolfrey - on creating meaningful rituals
"I like the idea of an evening ritual. I think the evening ritual in the summer is special because it can look a lot different than most of the year... It allows for a certain time every day, we sit on the deck in the backyard, and it becomes something that is just an automatic every evening sort of thing."
Navigating Conflict with Compassion
Summer's heat, schedule changes, and increased togetherness can spark conflict. You might consider the acronym HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) and add Thirsty and Sweaty for summer. When emotions run high, tending to physical needs first before attempting difficult conversations can be helpful.
When you mess up, consider owning it. Summer's intensity means we all have moments we're not proud of. Practice repair by saying, "I'm really sorry. How can I make this right?" Often, the other person just needs to know you care enough to acknowledge the impact.
Practice self-compassion. The societal message to parents is perfection, but the reality is that "good enough" parenting (with love, presence, and repair) often creates secure, happy children.
Embracing "Good Enough"
Perfect summer moments happen, but they're rarely planned. They tend to emerge from presence, not pressure. The camping trip where you forgot the marshmallows but found a perfect skipping stone collection. The rainy day that turned into an indoor fort-building marathon. The evening when plans fell through, but everyone ended up on the porch sharing stories.
Summer survival doesn't have to be about having the most activities or the best photos. It might be about building relationships, creating memories, and giving yourself permission to find joy in the perfectly imperfect moments that make up a real life.
This summer, consider trading perfection for presence. Swap exhaustion for intention. Choose connection over chaos. Your future self—and your family—may just thank you for it.
Samantha Rintoul - on letting go of perfection
"You might get it in your head that you are going to do this beautiful, amazing thing and make the perfect memories for your family and your partner. And then when they don't go to plan, it can be really hard to let go of that and still find joy in the imperfect moments. I'm thinking of summer vacations we took with my family where twenty years later we laugh about them, and in the moment we were ready to fight each other."
Cindy Woolfrey
Registered Provisional Psychologist
Samantha Rintoul
Registered Provisional Psychologist
Lesley King
Registered Psychologist
Nicki Rimke
Registered Psychologist
Diana Gudim
Registered Psychologist