Navigating Back-to-School: A Therapist's Guide for Parents, Couples, and Kids

This article was developed through insights gathered during our monthly therapist roundtable at Viewpoint Calgary Psychological Services. We extend our gratitude to the following therapists who contributed their expertise and perspectives: Samantha Rintoul, Cindy Woolfrey, Nicki, Lesley, and Zhongxue He (Joanna). These collaborative discussions allow our team to share evidence-based approaches and practical wisdom that we hope will be helpful to the couples and families in our community and beyond.

The back-to-school transition lands with a thud in most households. One day you're sleeping in and eating popsicles on the deck; the next, you're scrambling to find backpacks, setting alarms, and navigating an impossible schedule. For families with children who are struggling either academically, socially, or behaviorally - this transition can feel less like a fresh start and more like bracing for impact.

When to Consider Assessment

Parents often ask: Is now the right time to get my child assessed?

Cindy, who specializes in assessments, notes that timing varies. Some parents are preparing applications for specialized programs with November-January deadlines. Others reach out after first report cards or parent-teacher conferences. The key? Allow enough time (assessments aren't quick.)

Samantha offers perspective that might ease anxiety: having a name for what's happening doesn't change who your child is. If your child needs supports, a diagnosis allows you to access them. The goal isn't to label but to understand how their brain works and what tools will help them succeed.

Nicki emphasizes early intervention matters. Public school assessments are typically delayed except for severe cases. Students with milder delays might wait years. Private assessment can make a huge difference in how children develop and, critically, how they perceive themselves. When kids notice they're struggling where others aren't, they don't think "I might have a learning difference." They think "I'm failing."

The Patterns That Signal Struggle

What does it look like when a child needs additional support?

Nicki describes a common pattern: the child who seems fine at school but completely melts down at home. Parents talk to teachers who report no behavioral concerns, while parents deal with a child who falls apart every afternoon.

This happens because the child is masking all day. Meeting expectations requires far more energy from a struggling child. By day's end, it's like a building facade that crumbles.

Cindy adds the crucial insight: kids fall apart at home because home is safe. After masking all day, they're finally where they won't be judged and don't have to try so hard.

Nicki returns to a framework she relies on: Ross Greene's principle that kids do well if they can. When a child isn't doing better, the question isn't "Why won't they?" It's "Why can't they?" Approaching that gap with curiosity instead of judgment opens the door to understanding and better outcomes.

The Parent Relationship Under Pressure

Back-to-school dramatically increases the mental load for parents, especially when dealing with a struggling child.

Samantha emphasizes acknowledging that this is a giant transition—not just for kids, but for your family, your relationship, and yourself. Be purposeful in choosing what's most important. There's a tendency to say yes to everything and end up over-scheduled and over-tired. Choose intentionally what matters, then identify what you can let go.

Joanna uses the airplane mask analogy: put on your own mask first. When parents run on anxious energy, that stress spreads to the kids. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish; it's essential.

Slowing Down the Transition

Cindy points out that for many kids and parents, summer is their favorite time. When fall hits and everyone returns to routines all at once, it's an abrupt shift from favorite things to things that may not be favorites at all.

Her advice? Slow things down. Don't schedule right up until summer's last day. Ease into the transition. Allow time for important conversations and for everyone to mentally, emotionally, and physically adjust.

Small Moments, Big Impact

Nicki encourages parents to bring in special moments during this busy season through small things every day that you and your kids enjoy.

She also highlights changing the language we use. Instead of imperative commands—feed the dog, pick up your backpack—try declarative language. Say "The dog looks hungry and his dish is empty," then wait. This shifts responsibility and helps kids become independent problem-solvers, building executive functioning skills and self-esteem.

The Power of Choice

Cindy emphasizes giving kids choice, especially when so much feels out of their control. Instead of assigning tasks, create a list together and ask who wants to tackle what. When kids get to choose, you get more buy-in.

One tool she offers: the scheduled mental health day. Not a spontaneous skip day, but a planned day off the child chooses in advance (maybe when they know they'll be overloaded with extracurriculars or exams.) Giving kids control over their schedule helps them stand taller.

Staying Connected as a Couple

Samantha introduces the Gottman concept of stress-reducing conversations—regularly touching base about the stresses in your world. When you understand your partner's capacity and worries, you can show up better.

Joanna highlights vulnerability. When couples show vulnerability—"I'm scared I can't do this"—that's when deep connection forms.

Lesley encourages examining everyone's capacity. Back-to-school is a good opportunity to reassess what you thought might work. Plans made months ago might not be valid anymore.

One Thing to Focus On

When asked to distill advice into one actionable item:

Samantha: Communicate about what's most important to each family member and what's negotiable.

Lesley: Set an intention for how you'll show up for yourself and your family this season.

Joanna: Help your children find their talents and values. Each person has a different path to success.

Cindy: Slow down the transition. Make time for conversations and adjustment.

Nicki: Explore expectations with curiosity and compassion. Ask if they're realistic and achievable.

The Bottom Line

Back-to-school is hard. But the transition doesn't have to break you. With realistic expectations, intentional communication, small moments of connection, and self-compassion, you can navigate this season sustainably.

Perfect doesn't exist. Good enough is actually pretty great. And your presence and willingness to adapt matter far more than checking every box on an impossible list.