January Relationship Blues - To stay and grow or to let the relationship go?
It is a sobering reality in the world of relationships: January is a peak time for divorce.
The pressure of the holidays often acts as a magnifying glass. For some, the season is a "last hurrah"—one final attempt to create a happy memory for the family before parting ways. For others, the stress of the festivities simply pushes existing cracks until they finally break.
Now, January has arrived. It is cold, the bank account is depleted, and the holiday "magic" has evaporated. When you look at the year ahead, you might struggle to see a happy future with your partner.
Does this mean separation is the answer? Maybe. But it might also mean your relationship needs intentional, focused care to rediscover the partnership that once existed.
How to Discern the Path Forward
When a relationship feels heavy, looking at everything that needs to change can be overwhelming. The best starting point is honest vulnerability. Speaking openly about what is and isn't working allows you to understand each other’s needs rather than just resenting that they aren't being met.
If you aren't ready to give up, here are three small, achievable ways to start rebuilding the foundation:
1. Practice "Meaningful Appreciation"
Don't just notice what your partner does; notice why it matters. This shifts the focus from their chores to their character.
The Basic Thank You: “Thanks for tidying the kitchen.”
The Meaningful Appreciation: “I appreciate you tidying the kitchen while I was at work. It reduces my stress when I get home and makes me feel like my needs matter to you.”
Adding the "why" helps your partner understand your inner world and encourages you to actively look for the "goodness" in them.
2. Schedule a Weekly "State of the Union"
Borrowing from the Gottman Method, an intentional weekly check-in prevents small frustrations from turning into a January blowout. This is a dedicated time to discuss:
The Wins: “I loved the time we spent making dinner together last night.”
The Challenges: “I felt like we struggled to communicate on Tuesday, and I’d like to talk about how we can handle that better next time.”
The Support: “How can I show up for you better in the coming week?”
3. Break the "Roommate Mode"
When life is busy, it’s easy to become mere task managers—co-parenting and bill-paying without actually connecting. If your conversations are 100% logistics, you aren't in a partnership; you're in a business.
Set aside regular time where the "to-do list" is off-limits. Whether it’s 20 minutes before bed or a walk on Sunday morning, use that time to be human beings and partners enjoying time together, rather than task managers solving problems.
Here is the final section to add to your blog post:
When You Need Extra Support
Sometimes, the weight of these changes feels too heavy to carry alone. If you find that your "State of the Union" meetings consistently lead to conflict, or if the distance between you feels too vast to bridge on your own, you don’t have to navigate this season in isolation.
A couples counselor can provide a neutral space to untangle these old hurts, improve your communication, and help you gain clarity on the path forward. If this resonates with you, I encourage you to reach out to book a free consult, or schedule a session.
Final Thoughts
The darkness of January doesn't have to signal the end. It can be the season where you dig deep and decide to build something more functional and joyful. It starts with one honest conversation and a few small, intentional goals. For some plants, the darkness of winter is when their life span ends, and for others, it is a time that growth happens underground, potentially unseen but necessary and life sustaining.
Samantha Rintoul
Registered Provisional Psychologist
