How Can I Support Someone I Love to go to Therapy?
This blog post was written by Samantha Rintoul and Cindy Woolfrey, Registered Provisional Psychologists at Viewpoint Calgary.
Supporting someone in their mental health journey is a delicate balancing act. You want to be the "nudge" without becoming the "shove” so it’s all about the delivery. You may notice a friend or a loved one struggling and perceive that they feel stuck, or their current resources aren’t helping the way they used to. So, how can you support someone you love starting therapy while not making them feel worse for needing it.
Here is a guide on how to approach this with empathy and clarity.
1. The "Right Time" Conversation
The environment matters as much as the message. Avoid bringing it up during a heated argument or when they are visibly overwhelmed. Instead, choose a time when you both have a bit more emotional capacity to talk. Share that you are coming from a place of care, not a place of judgement. It’s not that there is something wrong with them, but you see a difference in how they have been feeling, or handling things lately.
• Normalize it: Share (if applicable) how therapy has helped you or others, framing it as a tool for high performance or peace of mind rather than a "fix" for being "broken." If I was talking to my parents about starting therapy, I might acknowledge their perspective. Therapy used to be viewed differently, and continues to be seen with stigma in some circles. An alternate perspective of how therapy is viewed can be explored here.
• Approach the conversation with curiosity: Maybe this starts with an observation, “It seems like you have been dealing with a lot of stress lately.” And then we follow it up with a question “How are holding up?” or “Do you want or need a bit of support?”
2. Reduce the "Executive Function" Burden
Often, people don’t go to therapy not because they don't want to, but because the logistics are exhausting or they just don’t know where to start. If you’ve got a specific idea in mind of the kind of therapy you want, or you want to find one that takes your insurance, Psychology Today lets you search and filter by these categories. Or, you can offer to be their "Secretary of Wellness" and support them with the logistics (with their consent of course).
• If the barrier is Finding a Provider, you could say, "I can put together a list of three local therapists who take your insurance."
• If the barrier is The 'First Date' Anxiety, you could say, "Did you know most therapists do free 15-minute video consults? It's like a vibe check with no commitment."
• If the barrier is Scheduling, you could say, "If you pick one, I’m happy to handle the emails or phone calls to book the first slot."
• If the barrier is The Commute, you could say, "I can drive you to the first appointment and grab us coffee/lunch afterward.”
As a bonus - this option pairs something enjoyable with doing the hard thing!
3. Emphasize Low-Stakes Trials
The idea of "starting therapy" feels permanent and heavy. Lighten the load by focusing on the consultation phase:
• The 15-Minute Rule: Mention that the initial consult is specifically designed for them to interview the therapist by phone or video. It puts the power back in your loved one's hands and removes the sense of pressure that the first person has to be a fit.
• The "Two-Session" Trial: Suggest they just try two sessions. If they don't like it, they haven't failed; they just haven't found the right match yet. You might joke that finding a good therapist is like going on a first date, it’s not about settling for the first one you find, it’s about finding someone you feel like you can trust.
4. What to Avoid
• The "Fixer" Mentality: Avoid saying "If you just go to therapy, our relationship will be better." This creates pressure to perform and can create feelings of blame or resentment. A relationship of any kind does better when two people are healthy and happy, however when we put the pressure to change on one person, it can make them feel like the “problem”.
• Giving Ultimatums: Unless the situation is a matter of safety, ultimatums usually lead to resentment or "compliance" rather than actual healing. Therapy only works when the person wants to make change for themself.
A Sample Script
"I’ve been thinking about how much you’ve been juggling lately. I love you, and I hate seeing you this stressed. I found out that a lot of therapists do free 15-minute video chats just to see if you even like their vibe. If you’re open to it, I’d be happy to find a few names and even book the first chat for you. No pressure at all, I just want to support you."
Finally, acknowledge the limits of your control. Not everyone is ready for therapy, you might think it would help them, and you might even be right, however people have a right to make their own decisions. And, as long as it is safe, we need to respect that. We can continue to offer support and encouragement while normalizing the therapy process, and one day maybe the message will connect.