Anxious Attachment Style
Nancy Bergeron, R.Psych.
10 Ways to Show up More Secure in Your Romantic Relationships & 10 Way You Can Help Your Partner to Feel More Secure
Showing up as secure in romantic relationships involves fostering trust, communication, and self-awareness.
1. Work on Yourself – Build your self-esteem and confidence. Know your worth and understand that you are deserving of love and respect.
2. Communicate Openly – Express your thoughts, feeling and needs openly and honestly with your partner. Encourage them to do the same.
3. Trust – Trust yourself and trust your partner. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Avoid unnecessary jealousy and possessiveness. Unless they truly show you otherwise, then trust your gut.
4. Set Boundaries – Establish clear boundaries and respect each other’s boundaries. Boundaries help maintain a sense of safety and autonomy within the relationship.
5. Be Supportive – Offer support and encouragement to your partner. Show empathy and understanding towards their experiences and emotions.
6. Maintain Independence – While it’s important to be close to your partner, maintain your independence and individual interests. This helps prevent co-dependency and maintains a healthy balance in the relationship. This also helps you show up as a whole person.
7. Address Insecurities – Recognize and address your own insecurities. They can self-sabotage good relationships. Seek therapy or counselling if necessary to work through deeper issues. Do the personal work…you won’t regret it.
8. Practice Self-Care – Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Prioritize activities and habits that promote your wellbeing. Your partner will support you in this if they too are healthy.
9. Focus on the Present – Avoid dwelling on past relationship traumas or projecting future fears onto your current relationship. Stay present and focus on building a positive connection with your partner. Take the time to get to know the new person in your life before making big changes and decisions with them.
10. Seek Growth Together – Continuously work on personal growth and relationship skills together. Attend couples therapy or workshops to strengthen your bond and deepen your understanding of each other. A partner who is open to their own growth and self-awareness is a green flag.
The following are tips to help your anxious partner to feel more secure:
1. Communication – Keep open and honest communication about your feelings, plans, and concerns.
2. Reassurance – Offer regular affirmations of your love, commitment, and support.
3. Trust – Build and maintain trust by being reliable, dependable, and transparent. This allows space for both of you to share and explore your vulnerabilities.
4. Empathy – Listen actively (listen to understand, not defend) and empathize with your partner’s emotions and experiences.
5. Boundaries – Respect your partner’s boundaries and communicate your own clearly.
6. Quality Time – Spend meaningful time together, creating positive experiences and memories.
7. Appreciation – Show appreciation for your partner’s efforts, qualities, and contributions.
8. Consistency – Be consistent in your actions and behaviours to foster a sense of security and stability.
9. Problem-Solving – Work together to address any concerns or challenges that arise in the relationship. A relationship is not one sided.
10. Self-Care – Take care of yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. Your own well-being contributes to the overall health of the relationship.
