Moving Through a Difficult Transition in Your Life

Jul 25

I wanted to explore Dr. William Bridges’ concepts in his book, Transitions- Making sense of life’s transitions, as I believe it offers a useful framework for managing challenging life changes.

Transition is different from change. Change is situational and external. It is the specific event or shift that occurs. Transition is the internal, psychological, and often emotional process of adapting to that change. It is the journey people go on to integrate the new reality into their lives.

Change stems from the motivation to achieve a goal, whereas transition starts when you release what no longer serves you or is suitable for your current life. This can look like letting go of something you believed or assumed, or some way you've always been or seen yourself, or some outlook on the world or attitude towards others. Transitions can result from the loss of relationships, changes in home life, work, and finances, personal shifts, and internal transformations.

Sometimes the change you decide to make creates a transition, and sometimes a transition creates change. These phases are not linear stages with clear boundaries; they can overlap. Each process starts before the preceding one is finished and you are likely to be in more than one phase at a time (and to be in multiple transitions at the same time).

Transitions involve 3 stages.

An ending or a closure period
A neutral zone which can feel like a no-man's-land.
A new beginning

Endings

The reason it’s hard to let go is that parts of us remain attached to who we were. We identify ourselves by our roles and relationships and often feel fear at the thought of things ending. When we detach from familiar settings where we’ve developed our sense of self, it can stir up old hurts and feelings of shame.

However, without completing an ending, it makes a transition into the next phase more difficult as it brings with it unfinished business. This can leave you stuck with one foot in and one foot out.

Grief can be a passenger with us when we disengage from the previous life. Unpacking changes to your identity can also bring a sense of disenchantment with the dreams of your past life and a feeling of not fitting in with your new reality. Endings can feel like it’s the end of us, as it is a tremendous challenge to who we are and what we believe in. However, endings are not the end but a beginning of a process, like the first act of a play.

“Transitions are almost always signs of growth, but they can bring feelings of loss. To get somewhere new, we may have to leave somewhere else behind.” — Fred Rogers

Neutral zone

The neutral zone can feel like being in a void and I liken it to feeling untethered from all that made sense in the world. Uncertainty about the future may leave you feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes we can view transition from a mechanical lens, like something is wrong or defective in us that needs fixing or replaced. Rather, it’s a process of rebirth and the messiness that entails.

Accept your need to be in the neutral zone as it provides access to a perspective of life that one can get nowhere else. By accepting what is real now and letting go of the urge to shape your perception of the past, you can unburden yourself from thinking about the future in a set way. When that happens, possibilities begin to arise.

Take this opportunity to discover what you really want. What dreams, convictions, or ideas from the past remained unfulfilled? Seize this moment to start on a new journey to pursue a path that truly reflects who you are. The neutral zone is a place between chapters.

“In transitions, we must learn to be still. Being still is, in part, about learning to be comfortable with ambiguity.” ― Janet Rebhan

New beginnings

New beginnings come from within. Inner realignment is the key as it's the foundation for lasting change. When we align with deep longings, we can become powerfully motivated. New beginnings are accessible to everyone, and truthfully, everyone can have trouble with them.

It's also often difficult to be sure whether some path leads forward or back and it may be necessary to follow it for a while to be sure. An inner resistance can occur which delays the new beginning due to a fear of not being ready.

Begin to identify yourself with the new beginning and focus attention on the process of reaching that goal. While external new beginnings can be swift, the internal re-identification and re-engagement take more time. Reintegrating your new identity with elements of the old one helps you to stay grounded in your new reality.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” — Viktor Frankl

The Role of Therapy

Therapy can provide a container for this transition by allowing for the expression of ambivalence, clarifying individual needs, healing the emotional wounds of adjustment, promoting self-discovery, strengthening one’s sense of self, and building the necessary skills to manage a new way of life

“Some changes look negative on the surface, but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” — Eckhart Tolle